Shifted.

Hello guys! It was fun, but it got boring!

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xx

Knock you down

HI!

Do I come across as a happier person now? People have been coming up to me and telling me that I look a lot happier now. A lot. Happier. And I’ll just reply ‘Do I look SUPER HAPPY to you?!‘ Cos deep down I don’t think I am that happy that it’ll be visible!

So I scrolled back through my old pamelic.livejournal entries and wow. I can’t believe how sad I sounded. Even my older entries in this wordpress. I sounded so depressed. Yeah scrape the previous entry, I was frustrated. Well, alright, I think I am happier. I had so much fun dancing with my SBM club people today, stuffing myself with Macs (again) and talking to beibei who gave me such a brilliant idea I can shout ‘Eureka!‘ right now! Hahah alright, I managed to postpone my report deadline to tomorrow and I am only half-done!

Will go now! I’m happy I can sleep soundly at night, eat right (although growing fat is gross), think a lot lesser, worry a lot lesser, being frantic about you and I’m really happy how I let myself be consumed with school activities, family, friends and myself. Simple joys that I restricted myself from last time just so I can give all my time to you. Stupidity is the word because in the end, look at what happened?

I see how my usual clique in school leave school to go out with their partners or to wait for someone and well I have no one. But somehow it doesn’t sting me as bad as before. I feel so comforted sitting in the library doing my work alone. People have been asking me when will I get attached? Or if I am happy single and yessss! I am. I really am. I miss this liberated feeling. In all honesty, I don’t feel the least bit lonely anymore. Is that a good thing? Relying on yourself is really the only way to go. No vulnerability.

Am I over you? Maybe. I feel sore sometimes when I think about everything and how I got replaced so easily. But on the whole, I feel, happy. *Throws confetti* Til’ the end was such a lie, but the Tiffany & Co. isn’t. I don’t believe in love anymore, because I believe material things will make me just as happy minus all that hurt. It’s all a matter of Perspective. Hehe. OK. Rambling! Will go now. <3 world.

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down

Kill me already?

I wasn’t kidding when I said this year was a bad year. It just got worse. Plus my internet keeps fucking up on me. I am this close to exploding. Really, just this bit more. I am wishing that someone would come by with a car and bang me down so hard. So maybe I’ll just die. Now.

Fuck man. FUCK!

Monopoly

Gosh, I’m such a sucker for promotions! I ordered a packet of large fries today for lunch (Thanks to NYP’s cheap Macs!) Then Nif sat down with his EVM and he started to rip out the Game Pieces! I was soooo amazed and since he didn’t want it, I took the rest of it and stuck it on a brand new gameboard! OMG. Then I got excited and ordered my own EVM just so I can have more game pieces. Zomgzzz, as if I am not fat enough already. Plus I wasn’t hungry!

I’m going to sit and guard at Macs from now on and spot people who don’t want their game pieces! MacDonalds and their marketing gimmicks, I’m sold. So much for losing weight? Everyone said I grew fatterrrrr!

First day of school and we have to plan for our entrepreneurship project already! I have zero creative juices left in me. Help! Okay, I’m off to bathe then to embark on my report. Yes, like Start on my report. No time to lose!

xx

Take me on a trip I’d like to go someday!

MY PARENTS MIGHT BE GOING TO AFRICA SOON. THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!! I want to go Africa too!! But my mum was like ‘you want you pay lor!‘

Look at my shop!

Beautiful, beautiful Florence.

Ruins! I love walking in the midst of ruins.

I was scrolling through my old 2007 entries and sigh, I miss Europe. I wish I was in Florence now, or Venice or anywhere, in that folk like restaurant dancing, doing all that funny quirky things and having cheese fondue. Or walking around through their little towns late at night with my siblings in the cold. I love winter. I want my marriage proposal to be at Florence! Hahahah! But I’ll not get married so well, that place is gorgeous. I still remember how excited we all were when we saw the Pope on Christmas night!

I cannot wait for my Egypt  trip. Who gives if I’m going to spend Christmas in the land of Pyramids! I cannot cannot wait to get my ass on that plane! I’m so excited!!! Hopefully by then I’ll get my D90 and snap lots of photos! I love photos.

Current ST goal: Get my D90 before my trip! Must. Take. Photos!

I wish my mum would postpone her Africa trip! Eugh. Aite gtg, will pack room now, embark on reports tomorrow! <3

Solitude at it’s best.

HALLOWEEN.

1. I BURNT MY BROOM. Don’t ask how, I only remembered Changsheng saying ‘EH PAM! YOUR BROOM IS ON FIRE!!!!’ Yeah. Hahahahahahah! Dumbo.
2. We had a bartender and he was damn good eh! The drinks were damn tokkong that night. Not smelly, tastes damn mother good.
3. GUITAR HERO WITH RANDOM NEIGHBOUR CHALET PEOPLE!
4. We well, crashed some chalets and in conclusion, ahbengs are the worst kind of people ever, half dead and not spontaneous at all.
5. The chalet was very very well designed!!

I feel that the aftermath of a crazy night is really really good! All of a sudden, the world seems a lot quieter, your mind is clearer and you feel at ease with everything. Me likes.

Anyway, school is starting soon! I anticipate. Through out this 10 weeks worth of attachment, I packed on 4KG. I am going to lose them. I must! My arms are so huge. OK. Today was damn awesome. Right beibei! We totally went zen today. Found the best chillax place ever, I lepaked like I haven’t done in a million years, we got stuck in the middle of smelly people, spontaneous trip to Ikea for the best meat balls ever! (: Lovely. Ikea’s food made everything worth it. By everything, I mean the fats I’ll put on, the rain we braved, the people we squeezed through! Anyway, I have HEAPS of reports to do! I slept on average 3-4hours everyday this week. Mad busy! Gotta go!

<3

Kiss me through the phone.

Hello world, that was me and beibei at Barrage some weeks ago.

ANYWAY. WOW. Let me tell you how ruined my Saturday is already. Time check: 10.33am. And it’s already ruined. Wna know why? Well I’m spose to have bike lessons at 1030am. I woke up in time, walked all the way to Bedok Interchange and realized that I left my wallet at home. And for those who know me, they know how mother puah far my house is to Bedok. Geesh, walked home in the swealthering heat and realized that I’m going to quit bike!

Yes, I wanted to see if I’ll pass tmrw lesson and determine if I’m gg to continue or not. But I missed today’s practice so tomorrow is a 99% fail. I’m very unenthusiastic and uninspired by bike. I lack that motivation.

SEE THE NIKON D90? Wow! I wanted a D3000, basic, cheapest. But it didn’t have that ‘oomph!‘ Grip! Then I was thinking between the D5000 or the D90. But the D5000 is damn fugly! Have you seen it?! Geesh. So I tried the D90 and I was BLOWN AWAY. So, D90 it is! I found some deals online but I think it’s damn dodgy. How can anyone sell a D90 for 1.2k BN with shipping and not have a website! Unheard of!

Anywhos, Imma gna go now! I want to get my camera now! Now! Maybe that will help me curb my alcohol addiction. If I go one weekend without alcohol I’ll feel weird. I am going to detox. I cannot sink further into this abyss. Need to get out, need to get well. But geesh, I’m actually itching to drink something, worst still, I’m feeling damn sian about going out at all. Wow?

Plans for November! Clicksnleaks intensive, Yogurt Party, Lepak @ Barrage again! (Y)(Y), CRAB! CRAB! CRAB! &&& Best part of it all? Xianny is coming home cos Uni’s are gna have their holidays! I foresee my BBs unite at Bedok 85.

Yesterday night was shitty, I was on the brink. Today, I’m full of love, albeit feeling damn sian about everything. I just hope today won’t screw up as bad as it already did. Bye world <3.

Inferiority Complex

I wish I was A LOT smarter. What am I? Just some lousy poly student. People are going places, prominent Universities, they’re applying to Warwick, Stanford and the list goes on. Maybe I’m comparing myself with people who are way out of my league. But geesh, I feel so so inferior. The way I look, the way I talk, the way I carry myself, the amount of knowledge that I have in my head, minuscule is the word. Too little! I’m going to read more, knowledge is power, I’ve lost almost everything so I’m going to try retrieve my brain a little.

It gets a little depressing, to see how bleak your future is and you only have 6 months more to decide if you are going anywhere. Well I already have a place in mind, but I’m considering elsewhere, but what are the chances! Eugh, plus, I don’t know what to study. To study something I can excel in, or something that pays better?

God? Help!

I ♥ You Beibei. Keep being my person! Crab day will come soon! LIKE SUPER SOON!

& I want to lie on grass again, it makes me happy and calms me down. If I was still in Livejournal, I would use the mood ‘Lost’ because that is exactly how I am feeling now. In various aspects, education, internship, friends, relationships with people, me, identity crisis much?

I need a guide, just how much is enough? Why is this world so judgmental? I won’t self-destruct, I am in the midst of recovering. Maybe this way isn’t the best of all ways, but it works. I don’t know how to tell people to put themselves in my shoes and understand. It’s easier said then done. Am I talking in riddles? Well here’s another one.

Every occasion calls for a different wine. Go figure and read between the lines. Don’t question my post cos I do not even know how to decipher it for you judgmental people out there.

On a happier note: I just got home from yogurt making course with my mum! And she bought this whole bunch of healthy yogurt ingredients with a mini yogurt machine! Not Frolick standard but yay! Yogurt at home, finally. Yum. K I’m going! Ta.

Insensitive much?!

I think I’m going to start filtering out the things that I tell to people. Before, I would just answer anything that anyone asks, or if I deem fit. But God, something happened yesterday that really made me want to rethink. I mean how can anyone be so insensitive! I am not over it ok! OK. I’m being all petty here but geesh!

Anyway, if I tell you things, means I trust you, means DON’T USE IT AGAINST ME. Or at least be more sensitive. Omg. Okay I’m going to go now! I love you xiansabitch (for talkin’ tonight!) and people who have stood by me. I think I’m capable of finally moving on and appreciating myself more.

K ITS SO LATE. TMRW SURELY LATE! K BYE!

Party like a Rockstar!

Wow, I know I should be bathing now or something other then BLOGGING! But I can’t stand how my blog screams Pamela is Depress. I am not! In fact, despite all the shit going on in my life, I am relatively happy that I’m out of all that shit. I know, but I guess somethings, are just like that. As much as I lie to myself, give myself excuses, it’s just like that. Facts are pointing blatantly in my face. I just have to grab it and shove it in my brain.

Photos! From lantern festival at Dickson’s PALACE. And then Elaine Chua’s Wedding themed 18th Birthday! Which, was a shitload of fun, especially the afterparty. I will not elaborate. At least I didn’t spend my night thinking away! Those who went are probably laughing now but whateverrrr! I had a great time!

LOOK AT THE LANTERNS! I lit them up cos no one else could do it! Haha okay maybe the guys did it but I did 2 lanterns! Am damn proud of self!

Look at the weird things we used to hook our lanterns! Hahah. SCREWDRIVER and PLASTIC FORKS? Hehe!

I have never celebrated Lantern Festival in my entire life! So fun! I love the lantern part! As usual, like every other weekend I’ve been drinking quite heavily but oh well, I think this is just a phase, I’m lovin’ this phase though! I shall enjoy it while it lasts, cos once school starts, I think things are going to be different!

2 Elaines in one picture!

Alright, that pretty much summed up my weekend(s). This week was quite mad. Everyday, something big happens, I’m trying to have a recollection of the things that happened so that I can blog about it or something so that maybe a few years down I can read back on my old entries and remember? But by the end of the week, I can’t remember anything!

Too much to handle. I am feeling pretty happy now. But as you know, the mo’ I say I am happy, I jinx it all. So maybe my next post will describe me slashing my wrists cos something majorly horrid happened. Haha k I’m kidding!

Aite, gtg! 3 weeks more of attachment! I’ve not touched my log book since foreverrrrr!

P.S! Need to lose weight!